Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Devil's in the Details

For those of you who think that "yachting" is a glamorous lifestyle, here are some photos to show the true side of owning a boat.  With every project (yes there will be projects), there is always a possibility that:
1) You may injure yourself (boat bites).  
2) Get stuck in a very uncomfortable position in a tiny space for an extended period of time (boat spelunking).
3)  Drop the tool/screw/bolt/hardware/expensive vital piece that you are using into the furthest depths of Mordor (starting the "quest for the ring").
4)  Realize that the project can't be completed because you just broke a more expensive piece than the original component that you were just working on (#@!$%).
5)  Realize after you've disassembled everything, that the replacement part that you are installing is the wrong one (boat satire).

Through many a lesson, Frank and I have developed some techniques to help avoid some of these annoying inevitabilities:
1)  Move slowly and have your first aid kit readily available because you WILL hurt yourself in some way shape or form.  Though the injuries may not always be major, be aware that many people will look at like you are a cutter because your arms will always be covered in little scrapes and scars from grazing up against hose clamps/random zip ties or from sticking your hand blindly behind things.  Just tell them you have a cat to avoid having to explain, or if you're bored, just tell them that you are a in fact a cutter, and to stop staring.  
2)  Have some cushions/pillows that you can ruin so that you can make yourself slightly more comfortable in that odd position.  (That, or gain some serious weight as it is customary for the smallest member of the crew to do the most boat spelunking.  Yay me!)
3)  Sit down and have a stern conversation with your hands (especially your left one) about the importance of holding fast.  This will cut your chances of dropping something by about.....17.09999999%.  Otherwise, uh....find a hobbit.
4) Resist the urge to destroy everything around you when you break something important.  Realize that you WILL have to fix that too and it WILL be expensive.
5)  Before placing an order, always check the company's return policy and avoid the ones with a hefty restocking fee.  

Hope this helps for those of you who are new to the boat world, or are considering buying that luxurious yacht down at the docks.  For those of you who have already been fooled into buying one, please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.  


  1. This is absolutely hilliarious! Sadly because it is all so true. I hate hose clamps with a passion. It seems their main goal is to remove skin on your knuckles to the bone. I like to think if I'm not bleeding on the project then I have not made the appropriate offering to the boat Gods. Pillows are good for screaming into as well

    1. We recently discovered a product called clamp-aid's that are end caps for hose clamps. Unfortunately we made this discovery only after frank managed to slice into the tendon on his thumb with one. Perhaps it was that blood offering that convinced the boat gods to finally show us the way?