Reflections

With the cold weather keeping us indoors on the boat with no Internet to entertain us, I’ve had a lot of spare time to just think.  Sometimes, we get so caught up in the immediacy of our lives and our goals, that we lose sight of our priorities.  We forget why we work for the things we do, what’s important to us, because everyday life gets in the way and we go into autopilot mode.  We go, go, and go, working for the future, without a thought to what makes us happy in the present moment.  This is something we have all been guilty of.  We have been caught up with boat project after boat project the past couple of years, and I find that we sometimes lose sight of why we got into this in the first place; and that is to love each other and to love our lives.  Though I’ve written many-a-whiney blog post about the situation we’ve had to endure, in all honesty, I am very grateful for the experience.  Like a sailor many days at sea truly values the warmth of a dry bed, I have learned to appreciate the things I have overlooked in my life.  I really believe in the notion that we don’t truly know what we have until it’s gone.  Sounds tragic, but it’s really not, it’s simply life.  It only remains tragic if you never recognize it and take the time to be happy for the things you do have when you have them.  Without hunger, one cannot fully appreciate satiation.  Without loneliness, one does not value companionship.   Without darkness, one cannot understand the luminosity of light.   Funny how it works that way.   

I miss the people I love. Simply having someone to laugh with, to have lunch with, or seeing a familiar face would be something I’d give my first born for.  These things I never thought I would miss to the extent that I do.  To have someone care for you and your well being, and not judge you if you fall, but hold your hand and pick you up.  Thinking of this makes my heart swell with sadness and longing, but again, this is a part of life.  Believe it or not, I chose this lifestyle knowing that living on a boat would do this to me.   I knew it would open my eyes, make me not take a moment more in my life for granted.  

I remember the day that I had this epiphany, the day that cemented that living on a boat was something I wanted, something I needed to do to shape myself.  We had been out at sea for a couple days, between Bermuda and NY, only snacking on fruit, nuts, and cold cuts.  The weather was rough and I remember someone made Lentil soup.  I remember how grateful I was for the warmth of that soup, how every bite tasted better than anything I had ever consumed before, how I savored every moment of that soup-eating experience.  In those moments, it dawned on me that I wanted to forever feel that way about life, about the ones I loved, about food, about the warmth of a hug, about the smell of a flower, about all the things that I had never given a second thought to.  I realized that the vibrancy of these seemingly mundane things would be paled if I went on the way I did, living comfortably, just letting life smoothly pass by.  I knew in those moments that I needed to live and suffer so that I could enrich my life, not with all the things that I wanted for myself in the future, but with the things that I already have. 

Sunset reflected in a puddle
Photo Courtesy of Frank